In the hustle and bustle of finishing the additions to the manuscript for my second book, as well as throwing Kenny’s 8th birthday party, both of which happened on the same weekend, we got low on groceries. Having focused intently on other things, I hadn’t been paying much attention to the fact that if we wanted some nice meals to eat this week, somebody would have to go to the store.
Fortunately, I love grocery shopping. For me, the best thing about it is the freedom to buy things I want. When I’m in a generous mood, I let the kids help me pick out things to buy (they usually pick out various kinds of snacks as well as those little, white powdered-sugar donuts for breakfast).
I often ask the kids something like, “Can you find the kind of peanut butter we buy?” They love finding our peanut butter on the shelf and putting it into the cart. It’s kind of like a game.
So today, knowing I would have to go to the store, I was thinking about how we do this, and how they enjoy it. And I realized that while I’m pretty good at playing games with them in the grocery store (we even played “Treasure Hunt” once to look for the items on our list), I don’t really teach them why we buy certain brands instead of others, or why we do or don’t buy certain products.
I guess that’s not really a big deal, though at some point they will have to learn to make these decisions. But I sure hope I’m preparing them for life better than I’m preparing them to go grocery shopping.
See, in life, you have to make all kinds of decisions every day, and you usually better have some reason for it other than, “Well, that’s just what we do.” It’s fine to have traditions that your family keeps, as well as your own ways of doing things. But if you never teach your kids to think about why you do or don’t do certain things, they will get out into the world on their own and not know how to make decisions.
Why are we Christians? Why aren’t we Jews, or atheists?
Why do we treat each other kindly? Why can’t we hit someone who takes a toy away from us? (By the way, the answer to that is a lot deeper than “because it might hurt someone”.)
Why do we say no to a certain purchase because we can’t pay cash for it?
Why do we put money into the Salvation Army kettle at Christmastime?
Why do we work hard in school or in the workplace?
Why do we live in a certain neighborhood and not somewhere more or less expensive?
Why do we attend the church we attend? Or why don’t we attend church?
Why do we tip the waitress when we go out to eat?
I want to be teaching my children not only how to act, but why they should act that way. Otherwise, they will grow up, find themselves in a situation I haven’t covered, and they won’t know what to do. Or, equally bad, they might decide that if Mommy never told them why, maybe there really isn’t a good reason, so they can act any way they want the minute Mommy isn’t there to stop them.
In life, I want my children to know which products on the shelves to choose and which to avoid…and why. I want them to know which people to avoid and why—and which not to avoid. I want my children to be able to make wise decisions based on an understanding of the principles our family lives by, not just an understanding of what will make Mommy mad and get them in trouble.
This doesn’t mean that you try to reason with a toddler who doesn’t want to get into a car seat. That toddler doesn’t understand the concept of “car wreck”. You simply have to put him in the seat, whether he likes it or not. But you can still say, “You have to sit in your seat so you can be safe.” Then, later, you can begin to explain what safety is and why it’s important so that when the time comes, your child will understand how to make his own decisions.
Likewise, you also don’t have to explain your every decision. When a child demands, “Why?” and you know they’re not really asking for information but rather complaining, you don’t have to offer them some reason that’s good enough in order for them to obey you. But in most situations, and especially as your children get older, it will benefit them to know what you are thinking.
Precious mom, are you teaching your kids to make good decisions? Ultimately, the most important decision you want them to make is that you want them to choose Jesus, and then you want them to choose His ways for the rest of their lives. Are you helping build good decision-making and thinking skills into their repertoire so they can do that? Will what they’ve learned at home help them make the decisions that only get more complicated as they grow older?
Teaching your children how to act is more than just teaching them what to do. It also involves teaching them why they should do it.
Ezekiel 44:23—They are to teach my people the difference between the holy and the common and show them how to distinguish between the unclean and the clean.