When supper was almost ready, I called the kids to the table. As my husband and I were putting the finishing touches on the meal in the kitchen, I heard Ellie playing with something I had already set out. I don’t remember what it was anymore; I just remember hearing the noise and realizing she shouldn’t be playing with it.
“Ellie, don’t play with that,” I said.
She stopped, and I went back to my supper preparations.
Moments later, I heard the same sound. This time, I knew it wasn’t Ellie playing, because I heard her saying, “Kenny, Mommy said not to play with that.”
That might have been helpful, were it not for her tone of voice, which was rather snooty.
“Kenny, leave it alone!” Ellie commanded in the same superior tone.
I turned to my husband, who was in the kitchen with me, and said, “She doesn’t care if Kenny’s obeying me. She just doesn’t want him to be able to touch it because she wasn’t allowed to mess with it.”
We often feel the same way, don’t we?
Our demand for someone to change his or her actions is motivated not by a desire to see that person experience the spiritual benefits of living in conformity to God’s holy will, but by the idea that “if I can’t do that, I don’t want that person to be able to do it, either.” We are more grieved at the possibility that someone else might be able to enjoy something we are not permitted than at the certainty that the person is not right in his or her relationship with God.
I’ll use myself for an example.
One temptation I deal with on a fairly consistent basis is the temptation to speed when I drive. I know that I shouldn’t because God has commanded me to obey the laws of the government, but sometimes, I really wish that I didn’t have to obey those laws. Despite my desire to make my own determination as to how fast I will go, I watch my speed carefully because I know it is the right thing to do.
When someone speeds past me on the highway doing about ninety-five miles per hour, however, the true desires of my heart are revealed. How? In my annoyance at the speeder.
At those times, I’m not thinking, “That person is breaking God’s law, and I am concerned at the fact that he is damaging his relationship with God by sinning.” No, I’m thinking, “That person is breaking God’s law, and if I have to obey it, he should, too.”
Sounds kind of like the older brother in the story of the prodigal son, doesn’t it?
When the prodigal son returned, the older brother was angry at his father for throwing a party. His reaction, if I may paraphrase it, was, “I’ve spent all these years being a dutiful, obedient son; my brother spent years openly doing what he knew he shouldn’t be doing; and he is the one who gets a party?”
The older brother wasn’t concerned about whether or not the younger brother was obeying God’s law and their father’s wishes. He was infuriated at the thought that the younger brother was “getting away with” something.
Friend, what are your motives for wanting someone to obey?
Is your desire to see them walk in closer relationship to God? Or is it because you believe that if you have to toe the line, they should, too?
The first motivation is the one God wants us to have. It arises out of love for others.
The second motivation is the one Satan tempts us to have. It arises out of love for self.
If I truly love my brother, I will want him to obey for his own benefit.
It I love only myself, I will want my brother to obey for my benefit—so that I don’t have to be the only one enduring the discipline of obedience, or the only one “missing out”.
The next time you find yourself demanding that your brother—or sister—change his or her conduct, stop and ask yourself what your motives are. Better yet, ask God to reveal your motives to you. Are you truly concerned about your brother? Have you even thought about your sister’s welfare? Or do you merely want to make sure that someone else toes the line like you do?
Then, ask yourself what your motives are for obeying God. Do you obey out of a love relationship with Him, or do you obey out of a sterile sense of duty?
May God grant you and me the spiritual insight to know the answer, and the divine grace of an ever-deepening relationship with Him.
Psalm 119:167—I obey your statutes, for I love them greatly.
Deuteronomy 11:1—Love the LORD your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always. [emphasis mine]