Remember how, before kids, showering used to be a private activity? As in, if anybody wanted your attention, they often just waited until you came out?
Not anymore. My kids figure that if they can get the door open (which often happens, because even with the lock on, one door still doesn’t shut properly), it’s as good as a direct invitation to please come in.
One morning, I was standing in the shower, trying to enjoy a little peace and quiet, and hoping the steam would clear up some of my congestion. I had been suffering from significant congestion and allergies for a few days, and since I was pregnant, I couldn’t take any medications that would actually work. So I was hoping that if I breathed the steam, that would help unclog my sinuses. There I was—breathing steam—when I heard running feet, and the door burst open.
“Mommy,” Ellie said breathlessly, “Daddy said I could play games on the back computer!”
“That’s nice,” I said unenthusiastically, meaning both “I’m sick and I don’t really care”, as well as “Why are you telling me this?”
Ellie left, heading for the back computer, which is only a couple yards away from the bathroom. “Daddy,” I heard her say happily, “Mommy said, ‘That’s nice.’”
In her sweet, excited voice, she was putting a positive spin on my comment, as if I had been excited for her and said something encouraging.
I should have, I thought. I could have been excited for her, instead of focusing on myself. Fortunately, however, she didn’t seem to have noticed my negativity.
On the heels of that realization came another, this one in the form of a question: Do I put a positive spin on what others say to me, or do I interpret people’s comments negatively?
In this case, if Ellie had heard negativity in my voice, she would have been right. It was probably only her youth and inexperience that prevented her from hearing what was surely there. I, in my…ahem…slightly older youth, have more experience interpreting people’s words and tones, and hearing the meaning behind them. I probably wouldn’t have missed it, had someone said something similar to me.
But do I tend to assume that my interpretation is correct? I’m not infallible. And if I accept that as true, then I must accept the fact that sometimes, I may be wrong. I may misinterpret what someone has said and put a different spin on it than what he or she intended.
I tend to assume that I have heard and interpreted correctly—that is, that what I thought I heard was actually what was present. I then react. Sometimes, this means that I become offended. Sometimes, I get angry. Sometimes I get disgusted. I’m pretty good at keeping control of my tongue, so I may not say anything, but I think these things. And I set it up in my mind so that the person in question should apologize to me.
All this…and yet I might have been wrong.
Do you know what I mean? Do you ever do this, too?
Here are some ways you can tell: is there a person or people in your life who often tells you that they didn’t mean things the way you took them? When someone tells you they meant something differently, do you believe them? Do you tend to be a black-and-white thinker—a person who sees things as either right or wrong, meaning that someone is always right and someone always wrong?
The answers to these questions will help you evaluate whether or not you tend to hear people positively or negatively. But I suspect that even before you read the questions, you knew the answer. We are usually well aware of whether we tend to quickly judge people’s meaning or to give them the benefit of the doubt. As you read this devotional, you may have heard a still, small Voice whispering, “That’s you.”
I know I heard that Voice.
Maybe we should all be more like Ellie.
I’m not suggesting that we ignore the wisdom we have gained through experience in relating to and interpreting others. I’m just suggesting that we consider putting a positive spin on things. Even if we’re wrong, and the person really did mean something negative, so what? What would it hurt to take the comment at its best possible interpretation instead of the worst, even if the worst is accurate?
Think about it. And as you do, remember that only God sees human hearts and minds accurately 100% of the time. So for one thing, we are not qualified to be perfect judges. For another thing…which brings more peace and joy: looking for the bad in someone’s meaning to make sure we are accurate, or giving them the benefit of the doubt?
1 Peter 4:8—Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.