When Moms Get a Little Bit Desperate

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My daughters Lindsey and Jessica have several hamsters (it’s a little hard to keep track of exactly how many, because two of the hamsters are breeding females and, well, they breed. Regularly). I could go into all the reasons why I think caring for hamsters benefits my girls, but the reason that’s relevant for today’s devotional is this: Caring for mother hamsters seems to teach my girls an awful lot about motherhood in general, especially as applied to humans.

In other words, sometimes the girls don’t really consider the whole parenting thing from my perspective, but it seems like they automatically consider it from the mother hamsters’ perspective.

To prove my point, I’d like to share with you a conversation Lindsey and I had the other day.

Lindsey: “Mom, the mother hamster is desperately trying to run away from her children.”
Me: “Yeah, I can understand that.”
Lindsey: “She’s climbing up onto the roof, and everything.”
Me: (shrugs knowingly)
Lindsey: “I think her children are nuts.”
Me: (keeps my mouth shut)

God bless Iris (the mother hamster). That little critter taught my daughter more about mothering in a few seconds than I could have in a thousand lectures. I’d like to share with you three lessons Iris taught Lindsey:

  1. Sometimes, moms just need to get away. They may head to the roof of a wire cage, or they may lock themselves inside the bathroom for awhile even when they don’t need to use the facilities. Because sometimes, moms get desperate. They. Just. Need. A. Break.

And this is okay. Nobody would expect a mother hamster to feel guilty for needing a break from her children. Why do we allow ourselves to feel guilty for wanting to get away from our children for a little while? I mean, where did we get the idea that we’re never supposed to need a break? That if we do, it means we’re not competent enough, or spiritual enough, or “supermom” enough?

Even Jesus, when He walked this earth, took time away from His disciples to be on his own. (It’s not like He ever got away with it for very long, though; people always came to find Him. Sound familiar?) If even the very Son of God needed a break because He was human too, then why should we expect ourselves to be able to keep going indefinitely without one?

  1. Sometimes, moms need to get away because of their children. Somehow, it’s much easier, emotionally speaking, for Lindsey to understand that a hamster’s children drive her crazy than it is for her to understand that she and her siblings sometimes drive me crazy. Lindsey can look into Iris’ little world and see that, yes, sometimes kids drive their mom crazy, and it doesn’t mean that the kids are bad or that the mom is bad. It’s just the way life is.

In this way, Lindsey can understand that when I need a break from my kids, it’s not because I think they’re bad children (though their behavior may sometimes be bad). It doesn’t mean I don’t love them. And it doesn’t mean that I won’t come back and take care of them. Which brings me to #3….

  1. Mom always comes back. In other words, even though Iris leaves her babies sometimes, she always comes back and resumes taking care of them. She’s not trying to get away from them forever, just temporarily. Then, when she comes back, she’s the same loving, caretaking mom she’s always been.

Likewise, when you and I leave our children, they can be sure that we’ll come back, with no disruption in our relationship with them. We’ll pick up where we left off. It’ll be like we never left—except that now, we’ll be more rested. More patient. More willing and ready to do the things that motherhood requires of us.

The more I think about it, the more I appreciate Iris. I don’t know that I’ve ever considered a hamster to be a good example in terms of mothering before, but I do now. And I’m grateful to her for teaching my girls that it’s okay for moms to need a break.

The next time I need one, I’m going to take one—without feeling guilty. I hope you will follow Iris’ example and do the same. If you do, and you want a mommy friend to spend your break time with, you’re welcome to spend it with me. You know where to find me.

Just look up on the roof.

Matthew 14:23—After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone. (NIV)

Why It’s Good That Your Kids Don’t Appreciate You

Mended broken heartMy youngest child just turned four. This year, both his birthday and his party actually fell on a Saturday. What with making the cake, setting up for the party, and then actually hosting the party, it was a long (but good) day.

That evening, we sat at the table for supper. I was thinking back to the events of the day. Lindsey obviously had something else on her mind. “My birthday’s next!” she announced.

Lindsey’s birthday is in April. But mine is in March. “Actually, mine’s next,” I said.

“Oh, yeah,” Lindsey said. “You have birthdays, too.”

I could have taken her comment as evidence that my kids take me for granted, or that they only think about themselves, or that they don’t appreciate me. I could have become resentful. But I chose not to.

Because it’s actually good that our kids don’t fully appreciate us.

Don’t get me wrong; our kids need to learn to appreciate us. But not fully.

That’s because in order for a child to fully appreciate love and patience, the child would have had to be denied those things from the very people who were supposed to provide them. She would have had to become so used to not receiving them that she realizes what an incredible gift it is when someone shows her true, unconditional love, or when someone is patient with her slowness.

In order for her to truly appreciate the sacrifices you make for her, your child would have had to be forced into responsibilities far beyond her years. She would have had to grow up too fast. She would have had to be in the position you’re in—where she had to sacrifice, because there was no one else to do it. Where she had to keep going no matter what. Where she had to go without so that others could receive what they needed.

The fact that your child doesn’t fully appreciate you means that she has never been wounded to the deepest parts of her soul by being denied things like love, patience, and sacrifice.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t teach our children to be appreciative of what is done for them (we should). I’m just suggesting that when our children fail to be appreciative the way we would like them to be, we can choose a perspective other than anger and resentment.

We can choose to be glad. Not glad that our child was unappreciative, but glad that she never suffered the lack of having her basic needs met in the way that some children suffer. Glad for the reminder that even with all the mistakes we make, we still must be doing something right.

And glad for the opportunity to practice loving like God, who always chooses to love even when He doesn’t receive the appreciation He deserves.

Luke 6:35—“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.” (ESV)

A New Year’s Prayer for Moms

New Year's Prayer for Moms

A New Year’s Prayer for Moms
(Reposted from January 1, 2013)

Father God,

You are holy, awesome, and loving.
You are wise, kind, and good.
Your ways are perfect, and Your judgments are just.
We begin the new year by bowing before You in praise,
Offering You all of ourselves—
Our bodies, souls, and spirits,
Our desires, thoughts, and actions,
Our very lives.

We need you, Lord.
We need Your love, mercy, and faithfulness.
We need Your wisdom and instruction.
We need You, for You are Life Itself.
Teach us to know You, to love You, and to seek You,
Until doing so becomes as natural for us
As breathing.

May we breathe You into our spirit,
Allowing You fill our lives,
And then breathe You out to our precious children.
We want them to see You in us,
To know You through us,
And then to love You with us.

Lord, we confess that as we shepherd Your littlest sheep,
We desperately need Your help every day.
Every moment.
We deeply desire to love them as You would—
With infinite patience, creativity, and kindness.
But we don’t have the wisdom to rightly love our children.
Apart from You, we don’t have the generosity or unselfishness.
Often, we lack the energy.
We need You to strengthen and encourage us.
We need You to teach us.
We need You to forgive us when we fail.
We need You to make us the moms You desire us to be—
The moms our children deserve.

We want to do what is right for Your lambs.
And we know that You want that even more,
Because You love our children
Even more than we do.
You created them, You love them,
And You’ve given us the privilege of shepherding them
For awhile.

We humbly and gratefully acknowledge the gift of our children,
And we ask You to make us worthy of that gift,
This year and every year.
May everything we do as a mom
Be for their benefit
And for Your glory.
This we ask in the name of Your precious Son, Jesus,
Who once needed a mother’s love too.

Amen.

www.MannaForMoms.com

A Prayer for Moms at Year’s End

A Prayer for Moms at Year's End

Father God,

The year is almost over,
This year that You granted me
To enjoy and rejoice over my precious children,
To nurture and serve them,
To love them with a love that comes from You,
To pour out my life for them
As You poured out Yours for me.

Sometimes, I served with humility and selflessness.
Thank You, God, for Your grace
That enabled me to love my children well.
May any crumb of goodness they see in me
Remind them of the feast of love that You offer them.

Other times, I served not them, but myself.
Thank You, God, for Your forgiveness
And for my children’s forgiveness.
May any wound I have caused them not make them bitter,
But instead, lead them to rejoice in Your perfect healing.

There were moments this year that were beyond precious,
When I cuddled a sleeping child or held a small hand or talked heart-to-heart.
Then there were the joyous times,
When we watched a sunset together, or rode a roller coaster, or ate ice cream cones
And let the ice cream melt all over our faces and hands.
I thank you for all these matchless memories,
And I ask You to engrave them in my heart and in my children’s hearts
Forever.

There were also moments this year that were filled with sadness or grief.
Although I never would have asked for those circumstances,
I thank You for the indescribable beauty of Your comfort.
I thank You for these memories that were precious
In a completely different way,
And I ask You to engrave the feel of Your arms around them on my children’s hearts
Forever.

Engrave in them and in me the soul-deep knowledge
That You were with us through every failure and every success,
Every heartbreaking moment and every breathtakingly beautiful one.

You were in every step we took.

You were in every season and month and week and day and minute.

You were in every beat of our hearts
And in every breath.

You were above all,
And through all,
And in all.

You were, and are, Emanuel.

God with us.

Amen.

What Your Children Would Tell You If They Could

Mother's Day CardI hope your children told you on Mother’s Day how much they love you. I know that if they gave you carefully printed cards expressing their love, those cards meant the world to you. And if they made you breakfast in bed, or served you in some special way, I’m sure your heart rejoiced, as mine did when my children did these things for me.

All these things—the cards, the gifts, the acts of service—are ways your children express love to you. But I thought that this Mother’s Day, it might bless your heart to look at all the other things your children would say to you, if they could.

Things like, Thank you for not getting mad when I spilled my milk all over the table and it dripped onto the floor. Instead of shaming me, you said, “These things happen,” and you helped me clean it up.

Or like, The other day, when I was sick, it was great to get to lie on the couch and watch movies. But the best thing of all was when you sat by me and stroked my forehead. Thank you.

Or Somehow, just when I’m running out of things to wear, clean clothes magically appear in my dresser drawers. I don’t know how that happens, but I bet you have something to do with it. Thank you…

Thank you for letting me crawl in bed with you in the middle of the night when I had a nightmare. When I’m scared, your arms are the place I most want to be…

Thank you for making my meals even when you were sick, because Daddy was at work and you knew I couldn’t do it myself. How would I eat if it weren’t for you?…

Thank you for teaching me the same things over and over, until I could master them…

The other day, you bought me new summer clothes, even though it meant that you didn’t get to buy yourself any. I’m grateful…

Thank you for potty training me. That’s got to be one of the most frustrating parts of parenting. But you stuck with me…

Thank you for cleaning up the same messes over and over again, sometimes only 30 seconds after you cleaned them up the first time…

Thank you for all those visits to the doctor and the ER, to make sure I stayed healthy…

Thank you for all the sleep, money, and free time you sacrificed so that I could have what I needed…

Thank you for taking me to the park, and pushing me endless times in the swing, because I begged, “More!”…

Thank you for teaching me how to be a good friend, and how to react when my friends aren’t good to me…

Thank you for that special smile that makes something inside me feel warm, fuzzy, and loved…

Thank you for being proud of me, and for showing it…

For putting my stick-figure drawings up on the refrigerator…

For all those times you did my hair…

For all those times you called me your handsome “little man”…

For all those birthday parties and Christmas presents and just-because celebrations…

For praying with me and for me, and for teaching me to pray…

For all those times you loved me more than you loved yourself…

For all the pictures you took of the special moments in my life…

For changing all my diapers…

For loving me well, even when I act wrongly…

For all the ways you’ve shown me who God is and how much He loves me, by the way you pour out your life for me…

I love you beyond words. I don’t know what I’d do without you. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the greatest mom in the world. I know it bothers you that you’re not perfect. But it doesn’t bother me. Nobody’s perfect, Mommy. But you’re perfect to me.

These are the things your children would say to you if they could. But they don’t understand these things. They don’t know how to put what they feel into words.

Instead, they make you carefully printed cards and serve you breakfast in bed.

But they’re saying the same thing.

Proverbs 31:27-28a—[The excellent mom] looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed. (ESV)

 

Hope Now

If you’ve been following my devotions for very long, you know I love writing about heaven. I love thinking about the incredible things God has planned for us and wants us to look forward to; I love encouraging others to do the same. I’m glad and relieved to know that heaven awaits me—that this life isn’t all there is.

But something a friend said the other day on a different topic got me to thinking. It’s great to know that one day, all our troubles will be over. It’s marvelous to have heaven to look forward to. It’s fantastic to have hope in the future.

But we need hope now, too.

We need hope on those days where everything goes wrong. We need hope when grief is crushing us. We need hope not only that things will be better someday, but that we can make it through this day.

Precious mom who needs hope, let me tell you something: hope is exactly what Jesus came to give you. Not just for heaven, but for right now.

Do you need hope that someone will completely, perfectly love you and meet all your emotional needs? God will do that Himself. Sometimes He uses others to help Him minister His love to you, but even when others fail, He can—and will!—pour His love into you until your heart overflows.

Do you need hope that eventually, the wounds others caused in your life will heal? One of God’s names is Jehovah-Rapha, meaning God Who Heals. He can heal those scars in your heart and soul, the scars you think nobody else truly understands, because He does understand. And He can make you whole.

Do you hope against hope that someday, you will feel like you really matter? Like you’re infinitely worthwhile? God has declared repeatedly in His Word that you are already incredibly precious to Him. And He’s willing to repeat it to you over and over, and to confirm it with His love and by His Spirit within you, until you believe it.

Do you need hope that you can make it through another day? He’ll give you His strength to keep going when you feel like you just can’t.

Do you desperately hope that you’re doing a good enough job of being a mom? He’ll show you exactly what to do to be “good enough”—and it’s probably not as hard as you think. You can be a good enough mom. You can even hear Him say it.

If you put your hope in having pleasing or easy circumstances, you’re going to be disappointed, probably often. But if you put your hope in God Himself, you will never be disappointed. That’s because true, life-giving hope is found not in circumstances but in God Himself, and He’s guaranteed that He will never leave your nor forsake you.

Not just at the end of life. But right now.

Deuteronomy 31:6—Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of [anything], for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. (ESV)

Note:
If you’d like to know more about heaven, eternal life, or the kind of hope you can have right now, I encourage you to contact me through my website or to read some of the materials already there under “How to Know God”. I’d love to hear from you.

Loving Jesus

I started my day early,
Before the room was light.
I lifted my son from his crib
And wished it was still night.
But as I held him close and said,
“Hi, Kenneth, precious one,”
I knew that as I greeted him,
I greeted too God’s Son.

When my daughter woke up later,
Calling, “Mommy! Mommy! Down!”
I picked her up and hugged her
In her worn Elmo nightgown.
I know she felt the closeness
That a mother’s touch affords.
I welcomed not just Ellie,
But so, too, the Lord of Lords.

That day, I mixed some formula
And opened jars of peas.
I fixed some “pizza butter” bread
When she grinned and said, “Pleeeeease.”
I heated up some leftovers;
I had to nuke them twice.
And when I fed my children,
I was feeding Jesus Christ.

I made some funny faces,
And “played puzzles” on the floor.
I dressed kitties, ran around outside,
And played with them some more.
We laughed and jumped and tickled,
Making memories to be stored.
When I spent time with my children,
I spent time with my Lord.

I wiped up sticky cereal
And washed the dishes clean.
I straightened, picked up, put away,
And dusted in between.
I did six loads of laundry
And folded it like new.
When I cleaned for my children,
I cleaned for my Savior, too.

When my children were both crying,
I held them in my arms.
I cuddled them and whispered
That I’d keep them safe from harm.
I told them how their Father saved them
With His perfect Lamb.
When I comforted my children,
I comforted I AM.

Later on that evening,
I put them in the bath.
I washed their little bodies
As they kicked around and splashed.
I dried them in soft towels
And put their jammies on.
When I had washed my children’s feet,
I’d washed the Holy One.

I cooked and cleaned and rearranged,
Made beds and taught and played.
I made sure that we had food to eat
And that we often prayed.
I died to self. I made a home
From ordinary things.
But when I served my children,
I served the King of Kings.

To some, I have done nothing,
But to two, I’ve done the world.
I made eternal difference
To my precious boy and girl,
And to the One who watches over
Every pathway that I’ve trod.
For when I’ve loved my precious children,
I’ve loved Almighty God.