Getting on God’s Nerves: The Surprising Reason Why We Do

Megan Breedlove December 21, 2015 0 Comments

I don’t know exactly how many nerves I have. But I do know when my kids are on my last one.

Usually, when they get on my nerves, it’s because they are bickering, tattling on each other for things that don’t really matter, or leaving behind some mess that they should have picked up because I’ve told them a thousand times to pick up after themselves, and why am I the only one who can SEE these messes, anyway?

Sometimes, I’m sorry to say, they get on my nerves not because of anything they’ve done, really, but because I’m tired or stressed, and they ask for the wrong thing at the wrong time. Or they fail to grasp something I think they should already know, and I’m so. out. of. patience.

Turns out God’s children get on His nerves, too. They try His patience.

Wait, what? Isn’t God infinitely patient?

Of course He is. He always maintains perfect control, even when we try Him.

Yes, you and I can get on His nerves.

But it may not be for the reason you would think.

It’s not because we and God just don’t click, because we make too many mistakes, or because He’s tired of dealing with us. (None of these things is true, by the way!) Nor is it because we ask Him for too much.

Actually, it’s because sometimes we ask Him for too little.

There was a time long ago when Ahaz was king over Judah. God told Ahaz to ask Him for a sign to confirm what was going to happen.

“Ask Me for any sign,” God said. “Anything you want. Nothing is too big.”

“Nope,” Ahaz said. “I’m not going to test You.”

Then Isaiah the prophet steps in. “Hey!” he said. “Isn’t it enough that you already get on mankind’s nerves? Are you going to try God’s patience too???”

Notice that what Ahaz was getting rebuked for was not for worshiping a foreign god or committing murder or adultery. Ahaz was rebuked because God offered him everything, and he asked for nothing.

God offered him the opportunity of a lifetime, and he got all what he probably thought was properly humble and refused the opportunity.

God tells us over and over in Scripture that He wants to pour out spiritual blessings upon us. Maybe sometimes He even has some material blessings in mind.

But we don’t ask.

“Do what is right,” God says, “and see if I won’t pour out so many blessings upon you that you won’t be able to hold them all!” (See Malachi 3:10.)

“But I’m afraid to ask for big things,” we say. “I might make God mad. Or I might get rejected.”

So we ask too small. And in so doing, we try the patience of the God Who longs to shower us with blessings.

We ask for everyone to get along at Christmas, for improved finances, or for our cold to go away quickly.

It’s right and good to ask for all these things. But what about the truly big things? Things like transformation of our character, or the ability to hear and recognize God’s voice, or the opportunity and courage to bear bold witness for Christ?

Or intimacy with God? The ability to trust Him more? The willingness to serve without earthly reward?

As C.S. Lewis said, “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

Ask big. Make God’s heart glad.

Malachi 3:10—Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.” (NIV)

Isaiah 7:10-13—Again the LORD spoke to Ahaz, “Ask the LORD your God for a sign, whether in the deepest depths or in the highest heights.” But Ahaz said, “I will not ask; I will not put the LORD to the test.” Then Isaiah said, “Hear now, you house of David! Is it not enough to try the patience of men? Will you try the patience of my God also?” (NIV)

Does God Always Make Things Better?

Megan Breedlove November 30, 2015 0 Comments

My 7-year-old daughter, Jessica, possesses one of the most sensitive souls God ever created and put within a little girl. She can always sense when someone’s having a bad day, and, with little fanfare or desire for recognition, she does something to lift the person’s spirits. When a gift is in order, she will give her money, down to her last penny, or her most treasured possessions, in order to ensure that someone else doesn’t go without.

Because she is so sensitive, however, she is also easily wounded by people’s words or actions, or discouraged when something goes wrong. Recently, on a day that just wasn’t going right for her, I had pulled her into my lap so we could talk. It was during that conversation that she immeasurably blessed my mother-heart with these words: “When I’m sad, I usually talk to you. And you always make it better somehow.”

She is well aware that I don’t or can’t always change her circumstances. But she also knows that I always care, and that I can be counted on to offer not only love, but also support or sympathy or encouragement (or all three).

You and I are blessed with a similar relationship with God. Any love we offer our children is but a dim reflection of the perfect, all-encompassing love He pours out on us. He can always be counted on to offer not only that love, but also support, sympathy, encouragement, or anything else that He, with His complete and perfect knowledge, knows we need.

That, my friend, is what makes things better. Sometimes God does indeed change our circumstances as we beg Him to, and that, of course, helps. But it is a lesser help. The far greater help is when He gives us Himself.

If I were to ask which you would rather have, changed circumstances or more of God, how would you answer?

Often you and I both would answer that what we really want is the changed circumstances, not God’s presence.

It’s okay to want your circumstances to be different. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that, or with asking God to perform that.

The problem comes when God offers us what He knew was the greater help (Himself), and we complain because He didn’t offer us what we thought was greater, which was really the lesser (changed circumstances).

Jessica told me that somehow, I always make things better, even though I don’t always change things for her. In other words, she knows this fundamental but often unrealized truth: even when circumstances don’t change, the love, support, and encouragement of a mother always makes things better.

The same can be said for the love, support, and encouragement of a Father.

I pray we believe that He is truly the greater.

Lamentations 3:24—The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. (KJV)

When You Don’t Win

Megan Breedlove November 2, 2015 0 Comments

Ahhhhh, cake walks. The anticipation of maybe, just maybe, hearing your number called and getting to choose the cake of your dreams.

I actually remember one particular cake walk from sometime when I was in elementary school. I won! I walked over to the table and chose the cake I had had my eye on all night: a sheet cake decorated in myriad colors with the word “Mexico” and all kinds of squiggles and designs. That. cake. was. beautiful!

Recently, my children participated in a cake walk at a party. Timmy became discouraged the first few times he didn’t hear his number called, so I picked him up and walked around with him. I held him for several rounds, and as time went by, and most of the other kids won cakes, Timmy began quietly fussing (read: whining). I reminded him that it’s not possible to win all the time and reassured him that he still had a chance.

And then……victory on number 19!

By this point, Timmy was hanging his head and fussing continuously. “You won, Timmy!” I exclaimed. He continued to whine. “Timmy, you won!” I repeated. More whining.

I began to walk away from the game, toward the prize table, because I was embarrassed. Did he not understand that he had won? What was the problem?

“Timmy, why are you fussing?” I asked quietly. “You won!”

“I wanted to win lots of times,” Timmy said, disappointed.

My first thought was: Be grateful you won at all!

My second thought was: Yeah, I understand, buddy. I hate it when I don’t win as often as I’d like.

Like in life. I know it’s not realistic to expect to get what I want all the time. But I’d like to. And sometimes, when I don’t, I get disappointed.

Here are some recent times I can remember not getting what I wanted:

• My child embarrassed me in public.
• I tried to learn a particular skill, and it didn’t turn out well at all.
• I didn’t receive an invitation I was hoping for.
• Someone assumed the worst about my character.

These are not the only unpleasant things I’ve faced in the past few weeks; there have also been some that were traumatic.

But in the same time period, I’ve also encountered these circumstances:

• My child spent time drawing a sweet picture for me and telling me how much she loved me.
• I received a compliment from a student who enjoys my teaching style.
• I was invited to have lunch with a friend.
• Several family members went out of their way to verbally affirm their confidence in my character and their love for me.

So, I have a choice. I can complain that I had to face the first set of circumstances, or I can rejoice that I experienced the second.

It’s the same choice you have when you’re disappointed.

Grieve if you need to; it’s okay!

But don’t forget the good things.

Job 1:21—Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. (KJV)

How to Know What’s True

Megan Breedlove October 12, 2015 0 Comments

Several times a week, I come across links in my Facebook feed to articles that either 1) try to alarm you, or 2) try to stir up your emotions (whether positive or negative). I guess that’s good, in a way. If something alarming is going on out there, I want to know about it. And I do sometimes enjoy feel-good stories. The problem is that often, these articles aren’t true.

They get shared thousands of times because people simply don’t question what they’re told—especially when emotions are involved.

I came across a perfectly-worded statement of this principle the other day. Lindsey, Jessica, and I were watching one of their favorite shows, which I also happen to like because of its humor (which is well-done and appropriate). One of the characters said to another, “None of that’s true!” The second character replied, “But it feels true. That makes it true.”

No. No, it doesn’t.

Yet we sometimes act as if what feels true must really be true, or the opposite, if something doesn’t feel true, it can’t be true.

Why in the world would we appoint our emotions to be arbiters of the truth? We are so fickle, emotionally speaking. Our emotions are swayed by our circumstances, the weather, what a friend just did or didn’t say, and even our hormones. They are far from reliable indicators of how we ought to see things and what truth really is.

Even when we read Scripture, we don’t really absorb it unless our emotions get in line with what it says. If the Bible tells us God loves us, but we don’t feel loved, then we don’t really believe it. If it tells us something is sin, but it feels right or good to us, we tell ourselves it really can’t be all that bad.

We need to accept as truth what God has told us is true, and we need to believe it and act upon it, no matter what our emotions tell us.

Having an emotionally dull quiet time doesn’t mean we haven’t worshiped; likewise, having an emotional experience doesn’t necessarily mean we have. Let’s look at what God says about worship, not about what we feel.

Feeling unloved by God doesn’t mean that we are. In fact, the Bible tells us over and over that God loves us. The truth is that He’s madly, passionately in love with us, even though we won’t always feel it. “Not feeling it” isn’t the problem, though. There can be many reason why we have difficulty absorbing God’s love, and some of them are in no way our fault. The problem comes in when we fail to replace the lies our emotions tell us with the truth God’s Word tells us.

And what about feeling forgiven? I’ve heard many people say that they believe God forgives them; they just don’t feel forgiven. They continue to dwell on feelings of guilt because that’s what it feels like they should do. But if they’ve confessed, they are forgiven. Emotions like guilt have no authority over us and must be taken captive to the truth of God’s Word.

I know it’s hard to believe and act upon truth when our emotions scream otherwise. But I choose to stand upon the truth of God instead of what my emotions tell me. I hope you do, too.

Psalm 25:5—Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. (NIV)

And to the Mothers of Young Children, Write…

Megan Breedlove August 17, 2015 0 Comments

The first part of the book of Revelation actually begins in a pretty run-of-the-mill manner. No dragons, no incredible creatures, no language that is hard to understand. Just the Apostle John, being given a revelation and taking dictation for a letter from God to each of 7 churches.

The letters all follow pretty much the same format, with God being the speaker: “Here’s what you do well. Here’s what you do wrong. Repent.”

I wonder what God would say to us as moms?

I bet it’s very different from what He would actually say.

We think that if God were to write us a letter in the same style He wrote to the churches in Revelation, it would go something like this:

To the mom in that too-small house in suburban Cleveland, write: I know your deeds. You got up in the middle of the night last night and gave your child cough syrup. But this I hold against you: You make plain, uninspiring meals. You let your kids eat junk food too often. You can’t throw a birthday party that is fit for Pinterest. You get impatient. You’re not as creative as the other moms in your child’s preschool/homeschool co-op/dance class/soccer team. Your kids refuse to eat anything unless it’s covered in ketchup. You don’t understand Common Core (or, if you homeschool, you don’t do enough projects). You need to start doing a better job, or else!

We assume that God might find some small thing to praise us for, if He looked really hard and wasn’t that picky. But He’d have plenty of things to tell us to do better.

Maybe that’s because we find it much easier to see our flaws (real or perceived) than to celebrate our successes. And if we can see them, then God can certainly see all that we see, and then some. Since His standards are perfection, and we’re far below that, then, well, how many good things could He really have to say about us?

Yes, God’s standards require perfection—in terms of sin. But not in terms of making honest mistakes, failing to know everything there is to know about raising kids, or possessing only minimal abilities to help your child with his science project. This kind of imperfection is in no way sinful, and we shouldn’t feel guilty about it.

Yet before I tell you what kind of letter I think God would write to us, let me be very, very clear: I do not claim that these words are directly inspired from God. I am simply sharing with you something I imagine God would say to us, something in keeping with Biblical truth and His character. I do not claim special revelation. Nonetheless, here is the letter, and with this, I will close:

To the mom who finds it far easier to see what she does wrong than what she does right, write: I know your deeds. You got up in the middle of the night last night and tended to your sick child. You do that every time your child needs you. You change the sheets on your child’s bed every time she has an accident—again. You choose meals for her that you hope she will enjoy. You make the hard choices for your child—which friends? which clothes? how much media time? when’s bedtime?—and you’re willing to let your child get really angry at you, because you know you’re doing the right thing—or at least, you’re trying, and hoping you’re doing the right thing.

You buy soap and shampoo for your child. You wash his clothes. You give up sleep to tend to him, and you’ve given up the hope of ever eating a hot meal or taking a shower in peace and quiet for at least the next 16 years. You’ve been to the ER more than once, and the pediatrician thousands of times. You sacrificed your own career to stay home with your child—or you work really, really hard outside the home so that you can earn money for the things your child needs.

You’ve spent money on children’s prescription medications and gone without your formerly regular trips to the beauty or manicure salon. You’ve become willing to become known as “so-and-so’s mom” rather than your own name. You’ve forgotten what you every used to talk about with your friends before you had children.

I love all these things about you. I love them, and I love you, and I’m thankful that in this way, you feed my sheep.

But this I have against you: You try to do it all in your own strength. You fail to realize how much I could help you, so you go on struggling in your own power. You don’t come to Me for the physical strength and soul strength I would pour out upon you if you would just ask.

I’m willing and eager to help you, Daughter. Come to Me for everything you need. Let Me tell you what an incredible job you’re doing. Let Me make you confident and reassure you with My love. You are beyond precious to Me.

Scripture basis: Revelation 1-5, various citations

It’s Not Your Fault

Megan Breedlove April 27, 2015 0 Comments

Two days ago, my daughters Jessica and Lindsey became the proud owners of one crested gecko each. “Gecky” and “Easy Cheese” now reside in large plastic containers, with a paper towel in the bottom, plenty of food, and some fake leaves/branches to climb on and hide in. My girls have done their research, and they know how to take care of their geckos. The thing they most like doing with their new pets, of course, is playing with them.

Both girls are very gentle with Gecky and Easy Cheese (so named because of the squiggly markings on her back), and they love those lizards a lot. That’s why it was absolutely devastating to Jessica when she realized that Easy Cheese had dropped her tail.

In case you aren’t very familiar with geckos (as I wasn’t, until recently), I’ll tell you that when a gecko drops its tail, it’s generally because the gecko feels stressed or threatened. Apparently, poor Easy Cheese was having difficulty adjusting to her new environment, despite Jessica’s tender, loving care and gentle play. And poor Jessica was sobbing, convinced that it was her fault Easy Cheese dropped her tail.

“I must have done something wrong,” she sobbed.

“No, sweetheart,” I explained. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” I reminded Jessica that she had been gentle and loving toward Easy Cheese. Yes, Easy Cheese got stressed out. But that didn’t mean it was Jessica’s fault.

“It’s like this,” I said. “You’re shy and sometimes nervous in new situations, right?” Jessica nodded. “Are you that way because I’ve done something wrong?” I asked.

Jessica looked confused. “No,” she said.

“Sweetie, Easy Cheese is just a nervous, shy little gecko. She has trouble adjusting to new situations, like you do sometimes. But that’s not your fault, anymore than it’s my fault that you’re shy. Does that make sense?”

Fortunately, it did. I went over this idea with her a few more times in some different ways, reassuring her that she hadn’t done anything wrong.

Don’t we as moms need someone to do that for us sometimes? To reassure us that whatever’s going on with our children isn’t the result of something we did wrong, or of bad or insufficient parenting?

Granted, sometimes we do mess up. We’re all well aware of that. But much of the time, our children’s difficulties or misbehaviors are not our fault. After all, our children make immature choices because they’re kids. They sin because they’re human. Why do we take the blame upon ourselves?

If I only knew the right discipline technique, I could make them stop this behavior. If I had only taught them better, they wouldn’t have made that choice.

Really, moms? Do we really imagine we can be so perfect that we can insure our children never make bad choices and never sin?

Again, yes, we are important influences on our children. And if we’ve sinned, or God has convicted us that we’re falling short in some area, then by all means, we should repent or make it right.

That doesn’t mean that every time we face an ongoing discipline issue, or every time our child struggles with peer relationships or self-esteem issues, that we should assume it’s our fault.

Are you struggling with something with your child right now? Have you been blaming yourself? If so, I encourage you to take it all to God. Ask Him whether there’s anything you need to do differently.

Just don’t buy into the idea that you can do things so differently that you can guarantee perfect results. Your children have free will, too. They’re imperfect, too.

There’s only been one perfect Parent, ever. And even His kids—us—are less than perfect.

Don’t make the mistake of assuming you can accomplish with your children what He hasn’t accomplished with His.

Ezekiel 18:20—The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him. (NIV)