When Life’s Not Fair

unfair“That’s not fair!”

How many times have you heard that at your house? I’ve heard it plenty in mine. My children say it when they believe someone else got treated better than they did, or when they didn’t get something they want. And while they’re not always correct about the issue of fairness as it pertains to them, they’re right about one thing, at least.

Sometimes, life just isn’t fair.

Sometimes, 12-year-old girls have babies and leave them in dumpsters, when you and your husband have been trying to conceive for years and haven’t been successful (this was our situation).

Sometimes, people treat you badly…and then blame it on you.

Sometimes, people who make ungodly decisions and choices seem to prosper financially and in every other way, while you and your family do your best to live the way God wants you to…and yet still struggle to pay the bills.

Sometimes, good people get sick. Sometimes, they die. Sometimes children die.

Life isn’t always fair. It just doesn’t work that way.

We grieve over the unfairness of it all as we suffer. Why me? Why her? Why anybody at all?

I don’t have the answers, though sometimes I wish I did. I do know that unfairness entered into the world when sin entered in because of Adam and Eve. But knowing that we live in a fallen, sinful world, and that that’s why life isn’t fair, doesn’t make us feel much better when injustice strikes.

So what do we do? How do we deal with life when it seems unfair and we know there’s not much (if anything) we can do about it?

Two things. First, we fix our eyes on Jesus.

When people disappoint you, fix your eyes on the only One who never will. Contemplate His beauty. Not physical beauty (we’re told that He wasn’t anything special to look at); but the beauty of His character. Let someone’s sin against you remind you to turn your eyes to the only One who will never do you wrong. Let someone’s lack of love direct your gaze to the One who loves you perfectly and permanently. Let someone’s insufficiency point you to the all-sufficient One; let neglect or laziness remind you that Jesus never sleeps; let disappointment in someone’s character make you all the more grateful for Jesus, whom you will only love and admire more and more as you get to know Him better.

No, fixing your eyes on Jesus won’t make the pain of your earthly troubles go away—not entirely. But it will comfort you in the midst of them.

Second, we do what Jesus did when He lived in a world full of injustice. We look forward to the joy set before us.

This week’s verse tells us that for the joy set before Him, Jesus endured the cross (the ultimate in unfair treatment by human beings) even though He hated the shame of it. In other words, Jesus knew that the cross was going to be cruel, yet He went through it anyway because He knew that set before Him was incredible joy.

The same joy is set before us, and you and I need to remember this when we face life’s cruelties too. When life is unfair, remember that in heaven, there will be no more unfairness. No more! When evildoers prosper, remember that in heaven, there will be no more sin. When we don’t understand how or why something could have happened, remember that in heaven, nothing bad will happen ever again. Ever!

In fact, we’re told that the joy that awaits us will make the sufferings of this world look like nothing (see Romans 8:18). Can you imagine a joy so great that it will make the pain you feel now look weak by comparison? I can’t fully imagine it either. But…wow!

I know it’s really easy to focus on the thing (or person) that hurt or offended us. But the Bible says, Don’t do that! Look at Jesus instead!

It’s easy to focus on our pain. But instead, we’re told, Think about the coming joy!

No, life isn’t fair. But there is Someone who is.

Life isn’t always joyous. But there’s a place that is.

Fix your eyes on Jesus—not on your circumstances, or even on other people. And remember the coming joy. Always remember the joy.

Hebrews 12:1-2 – Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. (KJV)

Too Much Stuff

Riley Center RoomDo you ever look around at your house and wish you could get rid of half the stuff you own?

I do, especially after times like this past weekend, when I led a retreat for moms and stayed in a really nice hotel room for two days. With only the room furnishings and the items in the carry-on-sized suitcase I’d brought with me, I did just fine. In fact, it was kind of nice to spend two whole days in a place that was clean and uncluttered.

When I got home, I found that after two days of more spartan living, my house seemed even more cluttered than it had before I left. Now, I’m wishing I could somehow go through my home and get rid of at least half the stuff we own. Maybe more.

It’s not that our house is bad, by American standards. It’s just that I really enjoyed living with the basics for a little while, and I’d like to get closer to that in our home. I am more at peace when my home is uncluttered and neat. If giving up a bunch of stuff is what it takes to make that happen, I think it just might be worth it.

For that matter, I’d probably benefit from de-cluttering my spiritual house, too. Maybe you’d like to clean out yours, as well. Let’s look at three things we could get rid of.

First, let’s get rid of anything out of place that might trip us up. Just as leaving toys on the floor can cause us to fall, so can leaving sins lying around. When I see toys lying around, I’m tempted to leave them there until I can do something about them later—or until I can get somebody else (namely, the kids) to do something about them. Leaving sins undealt with until some future time, or hoping someone else will do something about them, however, is even worse than leaving a toy in the middle of the living room floor. If I trip over the toy, I might hurt myself, though probably not very badly. But if my sin trips me up, the risk of spiritual damage is far greater.

Next, let’s get rid of the books on our shelves that contain information that is inaccurate. We have a beautiful set of built-in shelves in our home that my husband constructed when we were remodeling the dining room. Most of those shelves are filled with books. Many of the books contain teachings based on the truth of God’s Word. But if there were any that espoused ideas that were actually contrary to Scripture, I would want to get rid of those. Likewise, we need to get rid of the books in our spiritual shelves that are filled with Satan’s lies. Books with titles like You’re Worthless or God Doesn’t Love You or You’re a Terrible Mom. Wherever these lies came from, whether our parents or society or somewhere else, they originated from the pit of hell. Satan loves it when we keep these books on our shelves, and especially when we read them over and over again. They’re his favorites, too. So let’s get rid of them and replace them with titles like You are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made or God is Madly in Love with You or You’re a Great Mom.

Third, let’s get rid of anything that’s no good anymore: the leftovers in the fridge that have been there too long, the expired medications, the clothes that can’t be mended, the furniture that’s no longer sturdy. These things were good for you at one time, but not anymore. Now they’re either of no use to you, or outright harmful. Spiritually speaking, perhaps you have some relationships that need to be reevaluated in terms of how much contact you should continue to have with that person due to the way they treat you or the influence they have upon you. Maybe there are some activities your family participates in that, while not bad in and of themselves, are not longer suitable for your family’s interests or schedule. Is there a goal you’ve been trying to reach that you need to realize is not God’s will for you? Get rid of it too.

If I were to get rid of a large portion of the things my family and I own, I would enjoy the simplicity and peace of having to deal with fewer possessions. If I clean my spiritual house, I know I will receive even greater benefits. You will too, if you clean yours.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a more intimate relationship with God? Wouldn’t you love for your soul to be more relaxed and at peace?

Clean your spiritual house.

Daniel 12:10—Many shall purify themselves and make themselves [spotless] and be refined, but the wicked shall act wickedly. And none of the wicked shall understand, but those who are wise shall understand.

When You’re Tempted to Be Discontent

no broccoliYou can’t please everyone.

This is especially true when you are serving dinner to your children. With each child you have, the odds increase that somebody isn’t going to like what’s served. Even if you only have one child, it’s entirely possible that what he or she liked the last time you served it may get a very different approval rating this time.

So, if you’re like our family, you have had to try to teach your children how to be polite about something they don’t like. Of course, your kids will put their own spin on your instructions, and you will wind up hearing comments like this recent one from Ellie, when I had prepared a ham-yam-pineapple dish: “I really like it. Except for the ham. And the yams. And, well, the pineapple.”

Or this one from Jessica: “Can I have a cheese rollup too? Except without any cheese, but with peanut butter.”

Kids in general (though there are certainly exceptions) seem to have a relatively narrow range of likes and dislikes related to food. If what you serve falls between those parameters (which, by the way, change frequently and without warning), all is well. But if not?

To paraphrase a slogan I recently read on Facebook, “There is no fury like that of a toddler whose sandwich you cut into squares when he wanted triangles.”

Kids can be pretty picky sometimes. If your children aren’t, and will actually eat things like onions and mushrooms without implying that you are trying to kill them, then you are truly blessed. But for most of us, the truism “Children are picky eaters” will, indeed, ring true.

Unfortunately, you and I as moms are sometimes equally picky in terms of what we want out of life, and even out of God. God offers us something that is perfectly good for us, and we want to modify it or refuse it entirely. It’s one thing to make our own choice when God lets us choose, which He does sometimes do. It’s another thing entirely to act as if God must fashion our circumstances according to our demands.

We are not the ones in authority—the ones with perfect knowledge of everything, past, present, and future. We are not the ones capable of determining what’s best for us, or what’s necessary for God’s plan for our lives to work out right. Yet we act as if God has done us a disservice by allowing some unpleasant circumstance into our lives.

I’m not suggesting that we should never pray and ask God to change our circumstances. Even Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, beseeching God to stop what was going to happen if it was at all possible. The Apostle Paul prayed three times, asking God to remove some unnamed thing that was tormenting him. At various places in Scripture, we are commanded to pray or to bring our requests before God.

The problem is not in asking God to heal us from sickness or to provide for our financial needs. The problem comes when we act like God is required to please us and conform our circumstances to our liking, and if He doesn’t, we’re not going to accept them.

But who are we to determine what is best for us? Is it not rather Almighty God, who is our Creator and Sustainer?

Is there something in your life right now that you’re refusing to accept from God’s hand? Something where God has told you, “This is the way it has to be for now”?

Don’t fight Him. Nothing good can come of striving against the Almighty. You will lose—and you will miss out on the blessings you could have had along the way.

Job 38:18—Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this. (NIV)

Isaiah 55:9—As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (NIV)

Isaiah 29:16—You turn things upside down! Shall the potter be regarded as the clay, that the thing made should say of its maker, “He did not make me”; or the thing formed say of him who formed it, “He has no understanding”?

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When You’re Tempted to Complain

Meh catSometimes, having a good attitude is hard.

At least, it was hard for Ellie on a day not long ago. Several things didn’t go her way, and as each one happened, she complained. I could understand how she felt (I’m often tempted to complain, too, when things don’t go as I would like), but I knew I needed to say something to her.

Of course, I thought later of better and more articulate ways I could have handled the situation. But what I said at the time was, “Ellie, you need to stop complaining. If you’re really having a bad day, you can come talk to me about it. But don’t just go around being negative.” (I got it sort of right.)

Fast forward to yesterday morning, when Ellie said to me, “Mom, the last few days haven’t been going right at all for me. Can we talk about them? You told me to come to you instead of just complaining.”

I was pleased that she was making the effort to properly handle the temptation to complain. Of course, I made time to talk to her and let her voice her concerns. We talked about what she could do about them, as well as things I could do that would be helpful to her. Instead of spreading a cloud of negativity over our home because of her feelings about the past few days, Ellie did the right thing and chose to bring her concerns to someone (me) who would listen to her and help her with them.

It’s the same thing you and I need to do when we’re tempted to complain. We need to bring our concerns to someone who loves us and will help us deal with them. And while it’s marvelous to have human friends, family, or clergy who will listen to us when we have a need, it’s even better to have God.

The only problem is, you and I don’t take advantage of His willingness to listen as often as we should (which is every time). Instead of taking our concerns to God and asking Him to help us deal with them, we too often resort to complaining— venting our frustrations into the air, to whomever happens to be listening.

Now please don’t misunderstand me: I’m not suggesting that we should never tell anyone what’s bothering us, or pretend like everything’s fine when it isn’t. Far from it. In fact, one reason God gives us friends and family, as well as a community of Christian believers, is so we can help bear one another’s burdens. But there’s a difference between the kind of complaining the Bible forbids, and talking out what’s bothering us, in the way God meant for us to do, with someone we trust.

It’s okay to talk about our concerns with someone when we need help dealing with what’s going on. When we’re stressed or overloaded (and every mom experiences this at times), we need someone to hear us and help us figure out how to handle it. That’s fine. What isn’t fine is when we complain, finding fault with the circumstances God has allowed into our lives, with no real goal in mind other than just spewing out our negativity and (we think) relieving some of our tension for now.

In the first case, even if we have another human being to walk through our troubles with us, we still need to take them before God and talk to Him about them. After all, He’s the One who can give us the best help. He allowed those circumstances into our lives and intends to walk through them with us and bring a particular kind of good out of them.

In the second case—when really, all we want to do is be negative—it’s far better to take our complaints to God than to vent them on other people. He alone can change our heart in regard to the circumstances He’s allowed and grant us His perspective. Not only that, but He can provide stress relief for us that’s far better than the small and temporary relief we get by spewing out negativity.

The next time you’re tempted to complain, think about it this way: Do you have some things going on in your life that you need help dealing with? Fine. Talk to God about them, and find a human being you love and trust to talk to. Or do you not really want help, but just want to complain about the unfairness of it all? Take that to God too. Ask Him to change your heart and perspective.

He can, and He will, in ways that mere complaining will never do.

Philippians 2:14—Do everything without complaining or arguing. (NIV)

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Being Two

My youngest son, Timmy, is two. Some days, he’s really, really two. (If you’ve ever had a two-year-old, you know exactly what I mean.)

Boy poutingConsider, for example, the following conversation we had the other day:

Timmy: “Have snack?”

Me: “No, it’s not snack time.”

Timmy: “Waaaaaahhhhh!”

Or this one:

Me: “Timmy, put your shoes away.”

Timmy: “No, Mommy.”

To his credit, Timmy doesn’t defy me with a straight-up “no” very often. His usual responses, when I deny him something he wants or tell him to do something he doesn’t want to do, are to say, “Awwwww,” as if he is the most disappointed boy in the world; to cry, sometimes with tantrum included; or to pout, making sure I notice his downcast face and stuck-out lip.

When I denied Timmy that snack and he cried, I remember thinking, “I wish he would just be thankful that I am going to give him something even better than what he’s asking for.”

Of course, I knew that such a response lies far beyond a 2-year-old’s maturity level. Unfortunately, it also often lies beyond our maturity as moms.

God denies us something we want, and we pout and complain. Or He tells us to do something, and we argue with Him or give Him a flat-out “no”.

We want a nicer house, car, or vacation, so we pray about it. So far, no problem. The problem comes in when God says no to our request and we say, “Awwwww,” as if we’re the most disappointed mom in the world.

Or God tells us to do something—to sacrifice a little bit more of ourselves for our husband or children, perhaps—and we grumble about it or say, “No, Daddy.”

We expect two-year-olds to do these things. But shouldn’t we, as adults and as Christians, be far past these kinds of reactions? Yes, we should.

Then why aren’t we?

Because we don’t really trust or believe God. Sure, we believe in God, and in His Son Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit. But we don’t really believe that His judgments of what is good for us are superior to ours.

If we did, then when God denied us something, we would realize—and truly believe in our hearts—that what God is offering us is something even greater. God doesn’t withhold huge blessings from us just so He can expect us to be satisfied with a pittance. In fact, the Bible tells us that He doesn’t withhold any good thing from those who are walking rightly with Him.

Likewise, when God tells us to do something, we would agree that we’d be far better off doing what God has asked than resisting doing it. God doesn’t ask us to do “busy work”. Everything He asks has a purpose.

What is your attitude when God denies you something you wanted? Do you pout, or do you thank Him for giving you something even better?

How do you respond when God tells you to do something? Do you resist His instructions, or do you obey eagerly?

I know it’s hard to have the right attitude sometimes. Not everything God asks us to do is fun, and sometimes it’s hard to be denied what we wanted so much. But if we truly believe that God knows what He’s doing, our response to His direction in our lives won’t be that of a two-year-old. Instead, we’ll respond as the loving and trusting child He wants us to be.

Psalm 84:11—For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. (NIV)

Being Thankful in Tough Times

raindrops on windshieldSeveral years ago, Lindsey appointed herself my “company girl”. This means she accompanies me whenever I go somewhere (at least, any time she’s allowed to) and keeps me company on the trip. It doesn’t matter to her what we do; she just likes being together.

Two days ago, my company girl and I were on our way to do some errands. Our first stop was to be a local department store. As we drove down the road the store is on, small raindrops began hitting the windshield. Oh no, I thought. Now we’re going to get wet trying to get into the store. What if it starts raining harder? Then we’ll get really wet. And I can’t run as fast when I have Lindsey with me.

Out loud, I said, “Oh, no! It’s raining.”

Lindsey glanced at the raindrops dotting our windshield and said, with a smile, “Yay! We’re going to get wet!”

The exact same circumstance happened to both of us: rain. The difference came in our attitudes. I saw the rain as an inconvenience; Lindsey saw it as fun.

So much of our quality of life results from the way we look at things and the perspective we choose to have. I said choose to have, because while we may not be able to choose our circumstances sometimes, we can always choose our attitudes in response.

I could have chosen a different perspective. I could have seen the rain and thought about what fun it would be to run through the rain together with a girl who loves to get wet, laughing and giggling all the way. Instead, I chose a perspective that brought me down instead of lifting me up.

Fortunately, I didn’t bring Lindsey down. She chose the “joy” perspective.  What I saw as an inconvenience, she saw as the chance to have a great time.

I wonder what difference it would make in our lives as moms if we were to practice seeing the positive side of things instead of the negative? Would our homes be more peaceful? Would our relationships with our husband (if we’re married) and children be more fulfilling? Would our relationship with God be more joyful and Spirit-filled?

I’m not suggesting that everything in life that happens to us will bring joy. But I am saying that even in the worst of circumstances, we can find good that is happening despite those circumstances. And I’m urging all of us—starting with myself—to realize that so many things in our day-to-day lives could be so much different if we were to look on the bright side of things instead of the negative.

I’ll bet this new, positive perspective would please God, too. After all, we’re commanded to give thanks in the midst of every circumstance, and we’re told that it’s God’s will for us.

Does this mean that we’re supposed to deny our negative feelings? No. We need to take those to God and let Him help us deal with those. He desires truth from us, including in our emotional lives. So God’s command doesn’t mean we’re supposed to pretend like everything is just fine. But it does mean that, no matter what, we’re supposed to find something to be thankful about.

Discouraged that your house is a mess? (Believe me, I totally get this one.) Instead of focusing on the discouragement, you could choose to spend your emotional energy being thankful you have children.

Frustrated that your husband works long hours? Instead of focusing on the inconvenience that this makes for you, you could deliberately choose to be thankful that your husband’s long hours mean that he has a job that helps to provide for you and your family.

Irritated that you’ve told your children the same thing a thousand times, and they still don’t get it? Try turning your irritation into thankfulness to God that He doesn’t give up on you when you don’t get it the first several times either.

See what I mean? Same circumstances, different attitude.

And sometimes, your attitude makes all the difference in the world.

1 Thessalonians 5:18—Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Greener

potato chipsMy son Timmy loves potato chips. “Get it? Get it?” he will say hopefully, pointing to the bag on the counter.

The other day, I gave him several chips. He was happily eating them…for awhile, that is. His satisfaction with his snack came to a screeching halt when he realized that Jessica had chips too.

The minute he realized there were chips on her plate, he began doing everything he could think of to try to get to them. “No, Timmy,” I said. “You have your own chips.”

But Timmy was no longer impressed with his own snack. He climbed up onto a chair near Jessica and tried to climb onto the table. He reached for her chips. He asked for them. He screamed.

I went over to him, picked up one of his chips, and offered it to him. He clamped his mouth shut and turned away, so I backed off, at which point he immediately began demanding his sister’s chips again.

Ultimately, Timmy missed out on a snack because he wouldn’t eat his own chips, and I wouldn’t let him have his sister’s chips. He went hungry when there was a perfectly good plate of chips sitting right there in front of him—all because he couldn’t have what his sister was having.

Timmy’s attitude and actions that day remind me of us moms sometimes. We’re content with what we have in our own lives—our house, our car, our children—until we see somebody who has something “better”. Then we begin to pout, whine, and complain.

What she has is so much better than what I have, we tell ourselves. Why can’t I have it too?

And then we look back at our own lives, which seemed so satisfying just a moment ago, and suddenly, they’re not quite so satisfying anymore.

You’ve heard the saying, The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. It means that whatever someone else has always looks better. Unfortunately, this is often true. We fail to appreciate what we have because we’re too busy wanting what someone else has.

But oh, don’t belittle what you have just because someone else has more or “better”. Don’t look at the gifts God has specifically chosen for you and disparage them because they’re not what you would have picked out for yourself. God is far better at picking things out for you than you are. He knows what is best for you and ultimately what will be most satisfying—in other words, what will lead you to Him. If you don’t have what someone else has, there’s a reason. God knows it’s not in His plan for you—at least right now.

Is there something in your life today with which you’re dissatisfied? Is part of your dissatisfaction because you’re comparing what you have with what you think you could or should have?

Precious mom, trust God that what He has picked out for you is right for you. Then thank Him for it. True contentment is to be found in God alone, not in the things we possess. It’s Satan’s lie that you would be happier with the things someone else has.

Don’t believe him. Stick with the chips on your own plate.

James 1:17—Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (ESV)

1 Timothy 6:6—Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment. (ESV)

Macaroni Soup

I love my crock pot. I think it’s neat how you can throw a few ingredients in there, turn the pot on, and come back later to find a nice, homemade dinner all ready for you. So yesterday morning, before church, I assembled the ingredients for a new macaroni-and-Velveeta cheese dish, doubled the recipe, and put them all into the crock pot. I pushed “low” and prepared to collect all the brownie points I knew my kids would send my way when we sat down to eat in a few hours.

I had to stay home from church with Ellie, who was suffering from allergies. So I peered through the crock pot lid a few times. Hmm, doesn’t look like the milk is thickening very much, I mused each time. Oh, well. Maybe it just needs more time.

My husband and other children arrived home from church. “Mmmm, what smells so good?” the kids asked.

“Macaroni,” I said smugly. They cheered as I prepared to serve it up.

The only problem was that it still didn’t look very thick. Sure, it had improved some, but I like my macaroni to be super thick, as in absolutely-no-liquid-at-all thick, and there was definitely liquid there. “Honey, it didn’t turn out!” I moaned to my husband outside the kids’ hearing. “I don’t know what happened, but there’s still liquid in it.”

“Call it ‘macaroni soup’,” my husband responded. “You know, ‘when life gives you lemons’….”

The kids loved Mommy’s Cheesy Macaroni Soup. “Wow, this tastes just like regular macaroni and cheese!” they said. (“Um, yeah. It’s pretty similar,” I said.)

So, thanks to my husband’s quick thinking, we had a great and somewhat exotic (“I’ve never had this before!” Kenny exclaimed) meal. We all enjoyed it. And Mommy still got those brownie points.

How different things would have been had I decided that because the meal didn’t turn out the way I planned, it was no good. I would have been bummed, and I probably would have presented the macaroni to the kids while saying something like, “I’m sorry it has so much liquid. You can just eat the macaroni pieces if you want.” They would have taken my cue that there was something wrong with it, and they wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much as they did when I offered it to them as something special.

I wonder how much enjoyment you and I miss out on in life because things don’t turn out quite the way we planned. Many times when something doesn’t work out, we see that as negative instead of looking for the positive in the situation. For example, I wanted to go to church this morning. My daughter’s having allergies prevented that. But if I had focused on what I was missing by not being at church, I also would have missed the pleasure of spending quiet, uninterrupted time with her doing some of our favorite quiet activities together. I would have missed the gift God was offering because I was stuck on not having gotten the one I hoped for.

What is there in your life right now that might be an unexpected gift instead of the disaster it seems to be? Even if it is partially a disaster, might there also be something good you can get out of it? Sure, you wouldn’t have chosen this situation, but you’ve got it, so instead of focusing on the fact that it’s not what you wanted, maybe you could cooperate with God’s desire to redeem it in your life by asking Him what good He wants to give you in the midst of the bad.

I’m not saying to sweep your pain under the rug. After all, you’re well aware there’s too much liquid in the macaroni. But you can choose your perspective. You can either see it as an unmitigated disappointment, or you can decide that even though it’s not what you hoped, it can still, in some ways, be a good thing.

And sometimes, macaroni soup turns out to be more fun than plain old macaroni anyway.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 – Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Two Kinds of Best

Sometimes, it seems as if motherhood is about settling for less.

We want to stay in shape, but we don’t have time, so we settle for buying an aerobics video and working out with it three times before we consign it to obscurity in the DVD cabinet.

We’d like to travel the world, but we settle for going to the grocery store by ourselves.

We want to develop our intellectual abilities, but we wouldn’t be able to get to a class, much less fit study time into our schedule or pay tuition. So we settle for memorizing the drive-thru orders for four different children at each of three different restaurants.

We’re frustrated, particularly when we feel we have a gift or ability in a certain area but no opportunity to develop that talent. We chafe under the limitations imposed on us by our circumstances.

I understand that feeling. I’ve been there too, wishing I could further develop the area of my gifting. I love the feeling of accomplishment that comes when I’ve done well and performed at a high level. But right now, furthering this interest is simply not possible due to, well, life.

I was thinking about this the other day. I felt frustrated that I wasn’t able to progress to the level of which I am capable. Sure, I’m working on the subject at a lesser level now, and I’m doing my best at it, but it’s not as good as my “real” best. At least, that’s how I saw it at the time.

I was wrong.

What God taught me when I was longing for what it’s not possible to have right now is this: there are two kinds of best. The first kind involves doing the best of which I am capable, considering my God-given abilities and interests. The second means doing the best of which I’m capable, considering the circumstances God has placed in my life.

The first kind is what I had wanted, what I had thought would excite me. The second kind, I learned, is what will satisfy me.

I know it can be disappointing not to be able to pursue an interest or skill. Sometimes, it’s extremely disappointing. But we make a terrible mistake if we assume that doing what God has said is not possible right now would be more satisfying than what He has said is possible.

We’re wrong if we think that doing our best at what we want to be called to would be more satisfying than doing our best at what we are called to.

How can I say this? How can I claim that pursuing distinction at a once-a-week class is more satisfying than excelling at full-time study? Or that making an awesome PBJ sandwich can be more fulfilling than going to culinary arts school?

Because if God’s design for your life right now is sandwiches made to the specifications of a two-year-old, you will experience His presence more fully when you get out the peanut butter than you would by going beyond His boundaries and enrolling in school. And that’s what satisfaction is: God Himself. Not better skills, increased knowledge, or more excitement. God Himself.

It’s not wrong to want to learn more or pursue a favorite interest. Not at all! The problem comes when we assume that God has given us the less-satisfying portion and denied us what would really make us happy. If that’s what we think, we’re finding happiness in our circumstances rather than in God’s presence.

Where do you find your happiness? In participating in things you enjoy? Or in being in God’s presence? If it’s the former, you’ll be disappointed every time things don’t work out or God says no. If it’s the latter, you’ll never be disappointed. Ever. Because His presence is always available to you, regardless of the circumstances.

This is what Jesus was talking about when He told the Samaritan woman that she should be asking for living water, not just the regular stuff in the well. He was making the point that earthly things do not ultimately satisfy, but that God’s presence does.

Do you want certain circumstances, or do you want God Himself? Do you spend more time praying that He will give you certain things so that you can be satisfied? Or do you spend more time praying that He will give you Himself?

For me, it’s often the “circumstances” option. But I don’t want that to be the case. I want God’s presence to be more important to me than anything else in life. I want to draw my satisfaction from a well that will never run dry. I want to experience true fulfillment, not just temporary excitement.

I pray this is what you want too.

Hebrews 13:5—Be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Psalm 142:5—I cry to you, O LORD; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.”

John 4:10—Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.”

Sweet Blessings

This past week, I had the blessing of attending the Colorado Christian Writer’s Conference, which I attend every year. It’s held on the campus of the YMCA of the Rockies in Estes Park, Colorado, nestled in the midst of the Rocky Mountains. It’s a gorgeous location and an educational and spiritually uplifting time—not to mention full of fun and fellowship with friends I’ve seen before and friends I meet for the first time.

Usually, I attend the conference by myself. This year, since Timmy is still nursing, I had to take him with me. I must admit that I wasn’t entirely looking forward to doing so. For one thing, I felt disappointed that I wouldn’t have the time to myself. For another, I wasn’t sure how well Timmy would do with traveling to a new place and being off his normal schedule.

I needn’t have worried. Timmy was a marvelous traveler, and though his eating and sleeping habits became somewhat disrupted by the trip, he sailed through it all with a peaceful, relaxed demeanor and happy smiles. Many of my fellow faculty members, as well as the conferees, were blessed by having him there and getting to play with him and hold him. And I was pleasantly surprised not only at how well he did but at what a sweet time Timmy and I had together, so much so that I think next year will feel lonely without him.

Our Father is so creative and generous in thinking of ways to bless us. This time, He gave me the unexpected gift of sweet memories that will last forever. Other times, He gives me (and you) blessings as varied as the infinite expressions of His creativity. Why? Because He loves us. Because He delights in expressing His inventive ways to bless us. Because He enjoys giving us something beyond what we asked or imagined.

What He doesn’t enjoy, however, is when we take His blessings for granted. When we start seeing them as our right rather than our privilege. When the things He intends to delight and surprise us bring little more than a “that’s nice”.

Had I gone to Colorado with Timmy expecting that God owed me the wonderful trip we had, I wouldn’t have appreciated it nearly as much. It wouldn’t have been the sweet time of fellowship that it was. And instead of focusing on the unending delights with which God was blessing me, I probably would have focused on making sure God was living up to what He was “supposed” to do—and maybe even complained if He didn’t do it.

God owes us nothing. Nothing. Each and every gift we receive from Him is a blessing we don’t deserve. Feeling entitled brings nothing but discontent when we don’t receive what we believe we’re entitled to; feeling grateful brings delight and wonder. Wonder that Almighty God would love us so incredibly much. Wonder that He would be willing to continue to bless us despite our lack of merit. Wonder that He would give us anything at all.

Do you take God’s blessings for granted? Do you spend more time complaining about what God didn’t do for you than rejoicing in and thanking Him for what He did do? If so, don’t let that go on any longer. Repent, and be grateful. If you already are grateful, continue to rejoice in His bounty. Name His blessings one by one and give thanks.

You know how much you love giving gifts to your own children and having them go wide-eyed with amazement. God feels the same way.

Psalm 8:4—What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?

Psalm 66:5—Come and see what God has done: he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of man.